CASE 4 – HE’S RICH BUT LACKS EMPATHY (BSS)
“I can imagine how that rubs off you,” Abigail said. “But let’s see what the definition of empathy is. What’s her story.”
Toya raised her hand. “I’ll read.”
Hello BSS Crew. My name is BS. I am in a terrible situation at the moment. I am in love with a man who has no empathy for me or my family. I come from a middle-class home, and a polygamous one. My mother is the second of the two wives and I know people sometimes look down on her, and us, by default. Why my mother married a married man is a subject I have refused to divulge in. It is her life, and I refuse to be judged by her standards.
After I became a Christian, I started praying seriously about the man I will marry. I wanted a God-fearing, kind and loving person. When I met this my boyfriend at a party, and we got talking, we hit it off immediately. He’s just the perfect person for me. To add to the answer to my prayers, he is quite rich. He has built his own house, drives two cars and has a good job as a medical doctor in an oil company.
Also, he proposed to me immediately to show me he is not joking. Everything was going well until I started telling him about my family. Oh, I forgot to mention that the only initial problem is that he is not very generous with his wealth. Immediately I noticed this about him, I decided not to ask for anything. I have a good job too, as I work in a bank, and I’m also currently doing my professional accounting exams, so I don’t really need his money.
I found it worrisome that he didn’t offer me his second car to use…
Abigali laughed. “Sybil, stop!”
Toya snapped. “Ladies!” Then chuckled.
He has refused to give me the key to his house, though his brother lives with him, and when my brother was having problem at home and I asked if he could come over and stay, he refused. He has refused everything I have asked. How am I going to marry a stingy man who has no empathy or concern for me and my needs?
Toya leaned back in her seat.
“That all?” Abigail stared at her screen and scrolled.
Sybil snickered. “I don’t understand. What is the empathy about?”
“The story is incomplete,” Abigail said. “She started saying something about trouble started when she told him about her family and didn’t finish that.”
“She did. She said she asked if her brother could stay in his house and he refused.” Toya pointed at her screen. “Do you see the last part.”
“Maybe the house doesn’t have enough space,” Abigail said.
Toya shrugged. “Considering that it’s his personal house, it should be at least three rooms. And for her to ask, she must think there is space.”
“I personally don’t like stingy men.” Sybil rubbed her forehead. “They come across as without empathy, truly.”
“Ah, that kind of pele is disgusting.”
“But she said she’s comfortable, why can’t her brother stay with her.”
“Maybe she doesn’t have space.”
“Maybe she’s testing him.”
“Ah, the importance of testing.”
“Oya, what’s the verdict.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“This doesn’t seem like a big deal to me.”
“Well, it’s a big deal to her.”
“If it is such a big deal to her, she should let him know and if he doesn’t change, move on.”
“Move on! Move on to where?”
“A doctor working in an oil company. No moving on, o.”
“She will soon be a chartered accountant.”
“If she passes her exams.”
“Why did she mention the part about her mum being a second wife.”
“Hmm, that’s what she needs to deal with. He must think she’s insecure.”
“I think she is.”
“Isn’t that what we’ve been saying?”
“Deal with her insecurity. Yes?”
“No. Confront him with her issues. She shouldn’t move on. He’s not that bad.”
“Unless she can’t deal with this.”
“Oh, well, of course. If she can’t accept his stinginess, then she needs to move on.”
“Never settle for less hoping he will change.”
“I can live with a stingy man.”
“What! No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“You can’t! Why then did you marry a rich, handsome, generous man?”
“Let us pray.
CASE 5 – I NEED TO MEET, I CAN’T TALK HERE
“Hian, meet who where?”