CASE 14 – WHAT’S NORMAL? ONCE A WEEK OR TWICE? (BSS)
“I’m not talking about sex.” Toya shook her head. “Next!”
Sybil laughed. “Says the one who is more concerned about instrument than secret.”
“Every day is normal for me.” Abigail scoffed. “I’m married to a farmer, for crying out loud!”
“Huh? So, if he’s a farmer, nko?” Toya arched an eyebrow. “How does that change anything?”
“Sowing and reaping.” Abigail sniffed. “Is that difficult to figure out?”
The other two laughed.
Sybil screeched. “Wait o, this person is not talking about sex.” She squinted. “It’s date nights.”
“Hahahaha!” Toya guffawed. “Oh, you shouldn’t have mentioned it. Let the farmer’s wife explain how sex is equal to seedtime and harvest.”
“Abeg! What sort of heading did she come and give her post?” Abigail rolled her eyes. “People need to be taught how to present their matters.”
Toya bent over and hiccupped as she tried to control the bouts of laughter. “I can’t breathe o! You ladies have to stop, please.”
Sybil wiped laughing tears. “Next, we will be discussing styles.”
Abigail pursed her lips. “When you people finish lahving, can I read?”
Before we got married, my husband took me out at least three or four times a week. Sorry, hello BSS Crew. My name is WE. So, my husband always liked to hang out. Sometimes, we can even hang out every day for a week. During the holidays, carnival month especially, we hung out every day for a month. I am a nightcrawler and so was he. As soon as we got married, he stopped altogether. Someone who used to pick me up straight from work and we go out until midnight, now came home and just wanted to eat and watch TV or something. I couldn’t-can’t understand it. My husband says it is not normal for a married woman to be out on the night, even with her husband. I totally disagree. This was something we really enjoyed together. I am even puzzled that he had a complete turnaround and wants to be a potato couch.
To be sure I am not being silly, I met him at a club. It’s not as if I was the one who turned him into a crawler. His friends would sometimes come to the house, or we go visiting but clubbing, bars, night parties have stopped. FULL STOP, that is.
I have quarreled, tried to reason, nothing. My guy wants to just eat and sleep these days. So now, my question is, what’s normal? I hate coming home to eat and sleep so I want to propose date nights. Cinema, or dinner at someplace, maybe even the beach, go to a resort…things like that. What is okay?
“Get pregnant!” Toya laughed.
“Chei! That is so sexist, madam!” Sybil joined in.
“I don’t know o! This woman reminds me of one amebo who lived in my compound back in Rivers,” Abigail said. “She sits by her window to monitor everyone and everything.”
Toya exclaimed. “That comparison is so judgmental!”
Abigail gasped. “How? A married woman who doesn’t want to come home and cook and be with her husband is a complete amebo!”
“No, I disagree,” Toya said.
Abigail smirked. “Then why did you laugh, hypocrite!”
“Because I said the silliest thing on earth, for her to get pregnant,” Toya said. “Huh.”
“But what you said is probably what’s going on in her husband’s mind.” Sybil shrugged. “A woman gets married, the next thing they are looking at her stomach!”
Abigail nodded. “True. Doesn’t make it right, though.”
“It’s just the way we behave, especially in this country.” Sybil shook her head. “I was with my husband for just a few days after we got married, and then he returned to his base. Can you believe people were looking at my stomach?” She snickered. “When I saw my period, even my sweet mother cried.”
“So, back to this night crawling woman, is it wrong for her to continue enjoying what she enjoyed as a single lady?”
“Of course not, but how does she plan to make her husband understand when he probably thinks she should be getting pregnant by now.”
“She didn’t mention that he thinks like that, though.”
“Because she’s not listening to him. How can a man change so suddenly? He’s trying to tell her something.”
“I don’t know. Maybe he wants to stay home so she won’t be able to go out.”
“He definitely wants her to stay home. His reason is unclear.”
“She needs to find out why. And start reorienting her mind about crawling.”
“I think she’s already doing that, by asking for date nights instead.”
“I think she shouldn’t ask for anything. She should just relax and enjoy staying at home.”
“She should pretend?”
“No! It’s not pretending. It’s compromising. Meeting him at his end of the conversation, and then slowly walking him towards her own end.”
“Is this the verdict?”
“You might be shocked by what his reasons are.”
“He may be afraid someone will steal her.”
“Oh, come on!”
“You just might not know.”
“Anyway, what’s normal? Once or twice? Without the seedtime and harvest coming in?”
“Once is okay. For such a man as her husband though, I’d say once in a month!”
“Isn’t that small?”
“For someone who wants to stay home, it’s a starting point.”
“We don’t do date nights.”
“For those who do, it also depends on the size of the family, and the type of jobs they do. There’s no hard and fast rule. She should just flow with her husband.”
“And that’s the verdict.”
“Let us pray.”
“Yes ke? What else? She needs to feel her husband’s vibes and meet him there. Any change to what’s going on has to be subtle.”
“Correct! Let’s pray.”
CASE 15 – HIS MOTHER INSISTED ON SLEEPING ON OUR BED
“I have the best in-laws.”